how is it that an all-american girl could be so unpatriotic? as i look at my wall in my room, i honestly laugh at myself. my walls are blue and yellow and the blue ones have flowers painte dto match one of my comforters. i have a big yellow wall covered in shopping bags... tale tale of my infatuation. there is a gap bag. a victoria's secret. some american eagle and abercrombie. there are j.crew and banana republic bags. coach. nordstrom. the limited. levi. tommy. office.[from london] i still haven't put up the harrod's bags yet... in the middle of all these bags is a murror. there are pictures of friends, pieces of a target ad, lyrics taped onto it. ther eis poetry and the names ad grad years [under pictures] written in eraseable marker. a few stickers, honors ropes, medals and my graduation tassel hanging off of the top corners. seriously. so teen america.

so why do i wake up wishing i was in europe?

seriously, i wish i was eruopean. why was i born american? europe has the fun of fashion and travel. people aren't so self-centered over there. at elast fromw hat i have seen. i mean granted, they are still common every day humans, but still. i find that in america [at least california] people are SO self-centerd. the ego has replaced the soul almost and it really saddens me. poetry is dead because the only people who seem to enjoy it out here are also a little suicidal [for lack of a more pc word... i hate "pc-ness"]. a book is serious waste of time apparently. conversations have become so empty that i could use them as garbage bags at hospital... that's really all they seem to be worth anyways. i'm tired of gossip [don't get me wrong... i still enjoy a good rumor or two, however]. i mean what's wrong with wanting to be or at least acting educated!? i am finally seeing that to be american means to value personal achievement and valuing others as long as they are to my benefit and not because they are truly worth something. i should appreciate "the individual" in every person. allow them to express themselves in every way possible and never hold them back.[i've got news for you... if your child is jumpin on the furniture at ethan allen. spank them. a pop on the leg is not going to ruin their little personalities forever]. everyone is also an equal... so long as they fit a perfect description. anyone who strays fromt he concept even a little is "an amazing individual" but they are also now forced to work hardder for the same recognition and should try to fit in more. say what? i could go on and on...

i think you get the picture. i am simply going insane. so help me God...