days gone by

[wow i've neglected this for awhile...]
since i've last been on here i have changed. immensly. it's amazing how much you grow and how quickly you do it. iam ina new place[quite literally, i'm now in london] and the person that once walked these streets, years ago, no onger exists. in he rplace is someone finally realising things about herself and the world that she enver conceived as possible before. i absolutely love change. in the good sense. it's a chance to become better than what we used to be. it really is a choice. and i have chosen to be proactive. not making excuses where i used to never have reasons. simply being and loving as i have been commanded. life. it's time i started living it. not that i wasn't living before, but now i'm conciously living. [not making the right decision because it's right, but because i thought it out and know it's the one i want to make]. the quality of life is certainly improving. that much i can say. [wow, age sobers you up doens't it?]

life nuggets.

so i almost died today. i'm getting onto the freeway so obviously the lane is going to merge. so i'm driving at a good speed. look in my mirrors. and then out of the corner of my eye i see the whale of the highways... a MOBILE home or rv if you will... basically squeezing me out of the lane. the only problem is that there are big cement roadblocks on the side of the lane where the shoulder should be. and he has the GALL to honk at me like it's my fault. ummm hello? YOU are in the rv. YOU are driving a vehicle for fun. a Recreational Vehicle buddy. tht maeans you are on vacate. stop your stressin'. you are driving a huge vehicle with a crv honda attached to the back... which means you are loaded down. so go slow. you are in the slow lane. so go slow. i was merging in front of you. so the slowest i can go to end up behind you without tempting death is STOPPING. on the freeway. you jerk. so why don't YOU slow down. you are the one driving a beast in the slow lane headed to mexico. get off my back and stop rying to kill me and blaming me for it. i'm just saying.

in other news, this is the second time that my parents have thought me a goner for good. the first time i said i woud be home from work at 630. now i knew that my friends were going jet skiing but i figured they would be done by the time i got off work, but they weren't and they called to invite me. so i was like ya! why the heck not? well i forgot to tell me parents. i lost my phone and didn't find it until i was about to leave. i get home and my parents aren't there. no biggy. it's sunday so they do alot of church things in the evening with other members of our church, so why would they be home? i walk in the door. the phone is ringing. hello? benita!?!?!?! yeessss... oh ok. we were so worried, we're coming home.
turns out my parents called to see wher eiw as when i didn't come home. some lady with an accent fonud it so she answered it. told my parents she foundit at the beach. they flipped. they got in the car and went body searching in dumpsters around beaches.
pt.2 i get off work at 8 and the night before my friend had wanted to see a movie or something. so ic all her back and we decide to hang out when i get off. didn't even think twice about calling my parents. so it's midnight and i think to myself... time to go home! seeing as how i fell asleep a few times while watching while you were sleeping. so i pick up my phone, which i had left downstairs. NINE missed calls. immediately i go oh no. i knew who it was. and i knew i was in trouble. 2 from home and 7 from dad. ouch. so i called them. AGAIN. they were at the parking garage looking for my car. they weren't too kean when i called and the first word out of my mouth was sorry. they knew that i knew that they had freaked again. so the moral of this [these] story[ies]... don't try to kidnap and kill me or any of that stuff. if it had been me instead of that natalie whitebread chick... they would have found me five minutes after it happened. cause if i don't call then i gues i'm dead or kidnapped.

ok. that's it. jsut htought these incidents were funny tidbits of life. yay for life nuggets.:)

europa

sooo... i'm obsessed. it's official. i love europe and there is nothing to be done about it. i love that they drive on odd sides of the road and sometimes don't use them at all. at least not the way they were meant. and i love roundabouts. i like the stairs too. there are lots and lots of them. oh how i though ti despised them. abhorred even. but i love them. and i love that the every building was skinny and tall and yet none of them were cluttered. not at all. and i love the cold. the gray dark mornings were probably the best part of each day. and the underground. you know i can't stand the lack of quality and efficient puiblic transportation in america. but i like the beeping of the doors before they shut. and i like the rsuhing of the masses and how silent they are in the process of it all. and i like the train. i love that you can get from one country to the next as though they were closely packed states. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! someone just send me back! PLEASE!

attraction

exactly how is attraction deifined? if you think they're "cute" is that enough? or do you have to want them with heart and soul? this is probably the most ridiculous post i'll ever make. it's beyond random right now. i should be studying for that whore of a com test i have on monday. anyways, it was jsut a random thought. i'm not really sure where it came from.

so i have decided that when you get back to your room by 1215 on a friday night. go to bed at 3am. and plan to spend the entire consequent saturday studying... you have a very sad life. maybe not sad, but definitely not an exciting one. and just in case you didn't catch that one... i was talking about myself. last night i wanted to go out and sit in the car by the shore in the rain. but all of my freinds were either gone or too boring to enjoy a moment of spontaneity.

i also finally saw vanilla sky in its entirety for the first time last night. o gracious. can i jsut say that when i am gone... cremate me. i don't want a "lucid dream" or any "lucid sleep" or whatever. no thank you. that's a nightmare. no cryogenically freezing either. i've gone. let me go. what is the point in trying to lengthen life? life just isn't as precious when it can be maintained to last forever and to give you whatever pleases you. it's funny because that line "the sweet isn't as sweet without the sour," is so ture. i had always believed that and then i saw vanilla sky. and it's true. without the downs you can never truly appreciate the greatness and glory of the ups. you can sit at the top of mt. everest your whole life, but if you never are in the valley, the majesty will be lost upon you.

ok. post over. i really wnt an A on thsi next com test so i must go study.

p.s. that movie the net, never get on boats with strangers. hello sandra bullock... duh?

the weather people promised a thunderstorm... liars

is it wrong to wish for rain?

in keeping with materialistic american tradition... i thought would mention a certain fashion don't that i saw recently. now i know i don't have the perfect body. if your name isn't giselle bundchen then chances are you don't. There is also nothing wrong in taken pride in who you are and being comfortable with yourself. HOWEVER this does not entitle you to the right to show off your goodies. there's nothing wrong with being a 185 pound girl, unless the majority resides in your middle area. you have a buddha belly dear. no one with a stomache like that should show skin in that area except for buddha. show some class. cover it up. leave some mystery.

it also drives me insane to see girls with great hair and beautiful faces, lovely skin, and the lower you go, the tubbier it gets. and they're eating a grilled cheese sandwich, french fries, and chocolate cake!!! come on. seriously. why is that people don't at least TRY to eat healthy? honestly we are all going to be dead by the age fo 35 if we don't stop eating out of our mcdonald's feeding tubes. now in all hoensty... i recently ate about 10 smores. i'm working on it i promise! i will eat more protein bars and salad [both of which are entirely delicious, contrary to popular belief] oh. and acohol? trust me. SO many empty calories. i don't mean to sound like a health freak. but i've been there. i went through a period where acohol had become an added part of my diet [no i did not consume it by the gallon or anything]. my clothes got so much tighter. i gained so much weight because of alcohol. so if you don't work out on a regular basis or lead an active life, stick to light beer. i'm just sayin...

now i say these things for your [and my] own good. so what have we learned today?
1] rain is beautiful. dance in it.
2] buddha bellies are only good for buddha to show.
3] love your arteries. your life depends on it.

survey's are fun!

The Best Myspace Survey
* . . About You . . *
Eye Color::	dark brown
Hair Color::	dark brown
Height::	5'5"
Favorite Color::	uh i'm not sure anymore
Screen Name::	i think we all know that one
Favorite Band::	relient k
Favorite Movie::	so many
Favorite Show::	arrested developement/monk
Your Car::	saturn coupe
Your Hometown::	san diego
Your Present Town::	san diego/malibu
Your Crushes First Name::	don't have one right now
Your Grade::	sophomore in college
Your Style::	whatever makes me happy. mostly preppy.
* . . Have You Ever . . *
Sat on your rooftop?:	no.
Kissed someone in the rain?:	no.
Danced in a public place?:	yes.
Smiled for no reason?:	always.
Laughed so hard you cried?:	too often
Peed your pants after age 8?:	yes actually. thanks to my 3rd grade teacher.
Written a song?:	ya...
Sang to someone for no reason?:	whenever i can.
Performed on a stage?:	yes sirree bob
Talked to someone you don't know?:	a little too often
Gone out of your way to befriend someone?:	what consitutes out of my way?
Made out in a theatre?:	no.
Gone roller skating since 8th grade?:	heck yes!
Been in love?:	not in the sense that the quesiton is being asked.
* . . Who was the last person to . . *
Say HI to you?:	jackie [hillsdale cheerleader]
Tell you, I love you?:	my mom
Kiss you?:	daddy! he kissed me goodbye. on the cheek you sicko
Hug you?:	sheci
Tell you BYE?:	mom
Write you a note?:	uh... not a clue
Take your photo?:	me? [myspace photoshoot!]
Call your cell phone?:	sheci
Buy you something?:	me
Go with you to the movies?:	jenn and phil
Sing to you?:	i don't know
Write a poem about you?:	no idea
Text message you?:	richard
Touch you?:	sheci
* . . What's the last . . *
Time you laughed?:	today
Time you cried?:	weeks ago
Movie you watched?:	scream3 [watching right now]
Joke you told?:	i don't know...
Song you've sang?:	love by keiysha kole
Time you've looked at the clock?:	2015
Drink you've had?:	california iced tea [no sweetener]
Number you've dialed?:	home
Book you've read?:	Megamorphs: animorphs: back to the beginning [it was from when i was like 14 haha]
Food you've eaten?:	sourdough jack
Flavor of gum chewed?:	can't remember
Shoes you've worn?:	black sprakly rocketdog slip ons
Store you've been in?:	billabong
Thing you've said?:	crazy people are super human
* . . Can You . . *
Write with both hands?:	not well
Whistle?:	yup.
Blow a bubble?:	yes
Roll your tounge in a circle?:	oh yeah.
Cross your eyes?:	most definitely.
Touch your tounge to your nose?:	haha yes.
Dance?:	i'm alright.
Gleek?:	not consistently.
Stay up a whole night without sleep?:	if i really want to.
Speak a different language?:	i will in like a year or two [parlo l'italiano!]
Impersonate someone?:	ya.
Prank call people?:	the question isn't can i?... it's do i...
Make a card pyramid?:	sadly no.
Cook anything?:	i love to cook!
* . . Finish The Line . . *
If i were a ...:	rich man... yaydle diedle deedle diedle deedle diedle dum...
I wish ...:	i had a little puppy. i'd call myself so very lucky.
So many people don't know that ...:	they aren't actually the center of the universe.
I am ...:	a dancing queen. young sweet [older than 17]
My heart is ...:	pumping blood very nicely, thank you.
Take this survey Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

how is it that an all-american girl could be so unpatriotic? as i look at my wall in my room, i honestly laugh at myself. my walls are blue and yellow and the blue ones have flowers painte dto match one of my comforters. i have a big yellow wall covered in shopping bags... tale tale of my infatuation. there is a gap bag. a victoria's secret. some american eagle and abercrombie. there are j.crew and banana republic bags. coach. nordstrom. the limited. levi. tommy. office.[from london] i still haven't put up the harrod's bags yet... in the middle of all these bags is a murror. there are pictures of friends, pieces of a target ad, lyrics taped onto it. ther eis poetry and the names ad grad years [under pictures] written in eraseable marker. a few stickers, honors ropes, medals and my graduation tassel hanging off of the top corners. seriously. so teen america.

so why do i wake up wishing i was in europe?

seriously, i wish i was eruopean. why was i born american? europe has the fun of fashion and travel. people aren't so self-centered over there. at elast fromw hat i have seen. i mean granted, they are still common every day humans, but still. i find that in america [at least california] people are SO self-centerd. the ego has replaced the soul almost and it really saddens me. poetry is dead because the only people who seem to enjoy it out here are also a little suicidal [for lack of a more pc word... i hate "pc-ness"]. a book is serious waste of time apparently. conversations have become so empty that i could use them as garbage bags at hospital... that's really all they seem to be worth anyways. i'm tired of gossip [don't get me wrong... i still enjoy a good rumor or two, however]. i mean what's wrong with wanting to be or at least acting educated!? i am finally seeing that to be american means to value personal achievement and valuing others as long as they are to my benefit and not because they are truly worth something. i should appreciate "the individual" in every person. allow them to express themselves in every way possible and never hold them back.[i've got news for you... if your child is jumpin on the furniture at ethan allen. spank them. a pop on the leg is not going to ruin their little personalities forever]. everyone is also an equal... so long as they fit a perfect description. anyone who strays fromt he concept even a little is "an amazing individual" but they are also now forced to work hardder for the same recognition and should try to fit in more. say what? i could go on and on...

i think you get the picture. i am simply going insane. so help me God...