the 6th unheard of bennet

i indeed remeember the very moment that i decided i would no longer care to fill my heart with sorrow and i would enjoy every moment of life. knowing happiness is temporary and joy rather eternal. i decided that i would be accidentally attractive. now i suppose you are wondering just how will i ever manage that. well i shall tell you.

my eyes shall sparkle with every word. i shall be racy and witty. all while maintaining my easily afforded composure. i will forget that boys are attracted to girls and vice versa. i will see no one as a prospect and everyone as an opportunity for a friendship therefore bearing my best side to all at every moment. the shoulder to cry on and the arms to laugh in. i shall always be the bridesmaid and never the bride [for however beautiful the bride may be her bridesmades never go without attention, unless she is diana princess of wales and that cannot be helped.] when i catch someone looking at me [especially an attractive someone] i shall look away and be none the wiser. i will not grant them the grace of acknowledgement but in the company of others. and when i leave the room, it shall be after words that nibble [not bite] and linger not in the air, but in the mind or the heart. and i shall turn about so quickly that i will not have the chance to be saluted for friends need no goodbye, they always return.

and that is how i shall be accidentally attractive. by being the unattainable dream knowing that as such, i will never be attained or contained for that matter. and my life will be perfectly full of that everlasting joy.

crash

i watched crash the other day with my dad. by the way this is a spoiler. if you have not seen crash and plan on watching it and DO NOT want the movie spoiled for you, then click away. now.

so. crash. the part where the locksmith comes home from work and the shop owner is waiting outside for him. the locksmith starts yelling for his wife elizabeth. the little girl runs outside because daddy doesn't have the cloak anymore. so she runs out to protect him and her mother [elizabeth] yells no, don't run into the street. she jumps into her father's arms. bang! elizabeth stops in her tracks [she ran outside having seen the imminent danger]. she screams and begins to fall apart right where she stands. he holds his little girl and screams out with a yell of anguish. and she whispers... i'll protect you. he stops. lifts up the back of her uniform sweater and little white oxford shirt. the skin on her little back looks smooth as ever. he lifts her up and looks into her eyes. he looks at the shopkeeper [who appears entirely confused realizing how lucky he is that he didn't just do what everyone thought he had] with a look of frustrated disbelief and then walks away into his wifes relieved arms and into their small home. and for a moment you let out the breath that you had just taken in rather sharply and you try to hold back the tears that have already begun to run down your face. and your heart lets go of all the pain and anguish that you cannot have truly owned...

at that moment alot of things ran through my mind. and one thing that i thought of is not just how precious life is, but how fatal ignorance can be. it's amazing how knowing nothing of someone else's circumstances, and nothing about who they are or where they've been. that's how it worked in crash. knowing nothing but what you have been through you act on your apparent knowledge and not so apparent ignorance. i guess jsut a little something to chew on the next time i choose to make a rash decision affecting anyone besides myself.

so i have found that xanga just wasn't cuttin it. and livejournal seems a little dead. besides, jose's blog wouldn't let me comment. so here i am. on this lovely little blogger. let's see how this goes.

for my first entry i would just like to say that i am at the wrong school. i can't do this abercrombie model ken and barbie thing. i am telling you... the guys in this campus are like empty vapid shells. it's driving me insane. and as time goes by i am beginning to care less and less. why? because now they are just a waste of time. dumb boys. therefore, i have decided i am leaving. I am going away to britain where the weather is cold, and the boys are cute and NOT vapid and shallow. and i'm entirely legal out there so i can meet them wherever. i say it's a pretty darn good plan... don't you?